Then, I had a second baby. I recognize that having a second child probably seems like the absolute worst time to take on daf yomi. But, here's the thing: Along with the craziness of a two year old and an infant, there is also this beautiful thing called nursing. I currently spend approximately 5 hours of my day nursing and many of these hours are in the middle of the night. Some women have figured out how to sleep while they nurse but unfortunately I haven't been able to master that task. Obviously there is nothing better than staring at a nursing baby and I spend a significant amount of time doing just that. But my brain doesn't let me do that for an entire nursing session. And so, amidst the insanity of my new life with two small children, I end up also spending an inordinate amount of time sitting on the couch staring at my iPhone. In the past two weeks, I've taken more Buzzfeed quizzes than I'm willing to admit. I've read 10,000 articles about #Flight370. I've probably stalked you on Facebook more than once. Finally, this morning, after watching a video of a sports reporter falling on his face while running into a stadium, I realized I could be doing better things with my time.
SO...
Hello, iTalmud! Hello again, daf yomi!
Last time, I set and achieved a goal of making it through one tractate. This time, my goal is to continue reading a page a day as long as I am nursing. I don't know how often I'll blog but when I do, I'll do my best to relate the content of the daf to life as a reform rabbi with two young kiddos. There are a lot of daf yomi blogs out there (check out this amazing one!!) and there are a trillion more mommy blogs. I believe, though I could be wrong, this is the first attempt at bringing the two together. We'll see how it goes!
DAY ONE: SUKKAH 42
I'm starting in the middle of tractate Sukkah, page 42, picking up on a discussion about the laws surrounding carrying a lulav on Sukkot. There is a new mishnah, which means a new topic is introduced and will be discussed at length in the following gemara. The mishnah states that a minor (someone under the age of 13) who knows how to shake the lulav, is obligated to do so! The gemara goes on to provide multiple other examples of instances where a minor is obligated to fulfill a commandment if he knows how to perform it. One of the examples states that if a minor knows how to wrap himself in a tallit, he is subject to the obligation of tzitzit. Basically, this means that a child who knows how to wear a tallit before the age of 13 should wear one. This is actually a pretty huge deal and contrary to the way we teach about what it means to become bar/bat mitzvah today! Today, even though our students know how to wrap themselves in a tallit before they become bar/bat mitzvah, they don't. Instead, we make a big deal about wearing a tallit as a symbolic ritual act done on the day of a child's bar/bat mitzvah as a way to celebrate the transition "adulthood" and the increased responsibility that comes with it.
This page of Talmud suggests that obligation, or responsibility, has more to do with knowledge and individual ability than it does with age. It acknowledges that childhood development varies and some young people may be ready to accept responsibilities (like shaking a lulav or wearing a tallit) at 11 or 12 while others are not ready until 13. This teaching could transform the way we approach bar/bat mitzvah education and preparation. Instead of asking each student to complete the same tasks, on the same timeline, perhaps we need to do a better job of tailoring the experience according to the abilities of each of our students. In the same way that we already make accommodations for children with special needs, we could do more to tailor the experience for all our students, who learn and connect to God in very different ways.
The same is true for parenting in general. I just stopped receiving the weekly e-mails from BabyCenter.com that told me how big my baby was, and what kind of new tricks he was learning in the womb. There is a short sentence at the end of each BabyCenter update that everyone always ignores:
Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.
Even though I know this is true, I'd much rather hold on to small facts like, "this week your baby is the size of an eggplant!" There is so much uncertainty during pregnancy that any information holds significant power, even when we know it is just a guess. The week before I gave birth, my midwife told me she thought my baby was going to be somewhere in the 6 pound range. My baby was born 8 lb 15 oz!
The uncertainty of development during pregnancy continues well beyond the womb and we, as a society, continue to obsess over developmental milestones. BabyCenter and other websites provide updates after birth, telling us what milestones we can expect our babies and toddlers to achieve as they grow and what we should be doing to encourage our children to reach these milestones. Even as adults we have expectations for when people should go to college, enter a career, get married, have kids, and retire. Meeting one of these milestones too early or too late is often the source of criticism, concern or at the least commentary.
Today's daf reminds us to acknowledge and celebrate our differences, particularly toward those who achieve milestones ahead of expectations. It serves as a reminder for me as a rabbi to meet b'nai mitzvah students where they are and a reminder to me as a parent not to obsess over what I read on the internet!
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